When your relationship isn't bringing you the happiness you thought it would, something has to change. Unfortunately, most of us avoid change, at least the kind that requires us to alter our own behavior, perceptions, and/or belief systems. And that's just the kind of alteration we need if we want to transform a relationship from boring to blissful.
Change does take some work, but it doesn't have to be difficult. If you break the process down into three basic steps, it can become a lot easier.
Step 1: Find one small thing to change
No matter how huge the obstacles in your relationship seem to be, small changes may prove to be the most effective in resolving the basic issues. There are two ways to approach this. You can (1) pick one thing to change that you know your partner would appreciate or (2) modify something that would make you feel better about yourself and/or your relationship. They key is coming up with a change that will be relatively easy to make.
For example, if your partner complains that you never take the garbage out without being asked, prove her wrong. Don't expect her to compliment you; just enjoy the peace that comes from having one less thing to argue about.
Or if you see red when your partner hides behind the newspaper at breakfast, find something equally absorbing to do. Eat your breakfast on the patio while enjoying the view of your garden. Take your plate into the den and listen to relaxing music. Or eat your breakfast half an hour earlier so that you're busy with something else while he's contemplating the headlines. The idea isn't to see if he will notice your absence at the breakfast table, but to find a creative way to change a stressful situation.
Step 2: Find the courage to change
The prospect of changing ourselves in order to improve a relationship can launch a surprising level of resistance. You may think, "Why should I be the one to change when he/she is the one who's being difficult?" The answer is quite simple: the only person in the relationship that you have the ability to change is...you. If you could wave a magic wand and elevate your partner to perfection, your relationship would already be perfect.
But what if you go to all that effort and nothing happens? Worse, what if you turn yourself inside out to become a better partner and you end up rejected, hurt, and alone? Those outcomes are possible. Also possible are happiness, fulfillment, and a deep sense of contentment. Place your focus on the potential for a positive outcome and take a leap of faith. Even if you don't get results you wanted, you will have expanded your potential for happiness and the likelihood that you will experience it.
Step 3: Find a fresh viewpoint
If you feel that your relationship is hopeless, that nothing you can do will make a difference, then change just one thing: your perception. Instead of viewing your relationship as a mess, see it as a work in progress. Look for evidence that things are changing for the better. Try this for three weeks, and you might be surprised to find that the situation really is changing in positive ways.
Another way of altering your viewpoint is to remember what you saw in your partner when you first fell in love. Unless he/she has had a complete personality transplant (which is highly unlikely, no matter how convinced you are that's the case), the qualities you once prized are still there. Look for them. Develop a renewed appreciation for the little quirks that attracted you to your partner in the beginning.
And while you're at it, do yourself the same favor. Sometimes, a poor self-image leads to dissatisfaction with our relationships. After all, if we don't love ourselves, it's pretty hard to value the people who love us. So love yourself as much as you'd like your partner to love you.